So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
