I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
