It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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