I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
