This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
