i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
