i think i have herpe
just one?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I die, sorry about rent.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
