I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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