Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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