Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
