big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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