Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
