I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
