i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
