so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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