I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
