I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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