At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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