I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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