this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
