this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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