We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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