just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
