mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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