it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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