I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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