you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
