Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
