So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
