I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
