I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
