and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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