i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
