I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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