I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
