wanna go halves on a baby?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
