Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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