Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
