I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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