I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
