Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
