Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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