Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
