How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
