I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
