no, he came in my armpit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
