i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
