I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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