I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
