saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
