I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
