Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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