so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
