I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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