so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
3 2 1 whiskey
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
