Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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