wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
