ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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