You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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