I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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