Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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