she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
