im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
