i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
