i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
