this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
