Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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